Thursday, January 30, 2014

That Awkward Moment [2014]

MPAA (R)  CNS/USCCB (O)  ChicagoTribune (2 Stars) (2 Stars)  AVClub (C+)  Fr. Dennis (Not Applicable)

IMDb listing
CNS/USCCB (K. Jensen) review
ChicagoTribune (M. Phillips) review (S. S. Wloszczyna) review
AVClub (K. MacFarland) review

That Awkward Moment [2014] (written and directed by Tom Gormican) is one of those films that I simply could not bring myself to see.  Yet its premise -- after one of the three leads, Micky (played by Michael B. Jordon), is dumped by his wife, he and the other two leads (played by Zac Efron and Miles Teller) decide that they are not going to get involved with women anymore.  Sure, they'll sleep with them, just not get "emotionally involved" anymore, "bros before hoes" they say -- does deserve some comment here.

Now yes, it would certainly suck being dumped, betrayed and all.  And one would certainly understand not wanting to get invested rapidly with someone new.  BUT WHY THEN SLEEP WITH PEOPLE ONE DOESN'T WANT TO GET INVOLVED WITH?  DOES ONE NOT CARE THAT ONE MAY CREATE A CHILD WITH SAID PERSON THAT ONE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT?  To make this approach "work" requires EXACTLY the "contraceptive mentality" that the Catholic Church has been lamenting in our time one where a child ceases to be seen as a Gift (from GOD) but rather as a Curse.

TALK ABOUT AN "AWKWARD MOMENT" ("Molly/Earnie, now don't take this the wrong way, but I never liked your mom/dad.  Sure he/she was hot, I think (you know I used to get drunk a lot back then...) but I don't know where he/she is or what he/she does. I know nothing about her/him and I don't really want to.  But, hey, you may have your dad's/mom's eyes.") OR WORSE (a trip to an abortion mill).  

It brings to mind one of the "Confessions from Hell" scenarios that I as a Priest sometimes play out in my head:

"Father, I'd like to confess the sin of Abortion, or this may really be Infanticide, Father.  Honestly, you be the judge.  You see, I'm a journalist who writes reviews for a 'Players website' (if you know what I mean...) in our town.  Now, I don't normally get involved with anyone anymore.  I mean Father, I've seen it all.  Trust, me, I've seen it all.  But you know last year, I was at this club and this stripper, I mean she was fine.  She was really, really fine.  And again, I don't normally get involved.  But with this one, I really had to get it on.  And we hit it off just fine... 

"Now, Father, I thought had a vasectomy (in fact, as I'm talking to you, I'm SERIOUSLY thinking of filing a complaint against that doctor who said he gave me one a few years back...) and she told me that she had her tubes tied.  And in our lines of work Father, we're careful.  Between the two of us, we must have been using, SIMULTANEOUSLY, 45 different methods of Birth Control.  I mean, I myself, never wear LESS than THREE CONDOMS and between the two of us, we had like the Berlin Wall, the Korean DMZ, MINE FIELDS FATHER of contraception lined up there between us.  BUT SHE GOT PREGNANT.  I don't know how.  It had to be a Miracle.

"At first, I thought it had to be a hysterical pregnancy of some sort.  But the kid had a heart beat.  And it just kept BEATING AND BEATING AND BEATING.  And then the kid just kept KICKING in there.  I mean Father, it was like IT KNEW that it was in trouble in there and was just trying to get the hell out of there ...

"But neither one of us wanting a kid, we decided to end it.

"But this then brings up another problem, Father.  Both of us are TERRIBLE PROCRASTINATORS.  I mean we kept putting it off, putting it off.  I mean that's why I 'write' for that 'Players' Website' ... If I could meet a deadline, I'd be working for the Times...  Anyway, she finally calls, and gets an appointment.  I finally get around to depositing my checks into the ATM.

"And so there I was, getting my $300 bucks out of the ATM, and she calls out to me THAT HER WATER BROKE.  So now I'M IN A PANIC.  I take the wrong turn, then another.  By the time we get to the abortion clinic, the kid's head is already almost completely out of her.  But the attendants, they were really professional.  They threw her into a wheel chair and raced her inside.  The doctor then asked the nurse to run over and get the axe next to the fire extinguisher down the hall and with one maybe two swings, they put the kid down....

"... SOOO for these Sins and all the Sins of my past life, I'm heartily sorry Father and ask for Penance and Absolution..."

Yup, "just hooking up" is NOT EXACTLY GOD'S PLAN ... ;-)

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